I have completely forgot about this site. A lot has changed since my last post and I don't feel like updating. Although, I've been in search of old things I wrote long ago, and I can't seem to find anything after May-ish.  I have a newly found condition of writer's block and it's murdering me. Now's the time i'd like to write, too.

Maybe is has something to do with the accident.

Maybe I have TOO much emotion to write.

Maybe I'm not supposed to document this portion of my life.

Nobody reads this, but this site has become my favorite site, being that the school internet blocker hasn't discovered it yet.

I met a new boy.

The end of the year stresses me out. Another suicide today, can't handle it anymore. Death upsets me too much.

I love Daniel, but i dont think I've been pleasing him the way i used too. Maybe we're just together too much, but honistly it's because i can not stand to be away from him.

I'm going to try my best, i wont let this slip away. not ever.

I need to be more smart with my money. Thank you.

This Past week with Daniel, the play, my friends, and my car has been marvolous. I can't help but to hope Daniel and I never part, sometimes it worries me. It also worries me, that at times I can't prove this to him. Someday he'll see, I'll just give him some time.

oh dear. please stay.

I've been away from Daniel too long now.
I hope he hasn't forgotten how much i love him.
I feel like I'm not trying hard enough to see him. I'm just so busy. Almost to the point where i can't even breathe.
Maybe i'll skip rehersal tomorrow. I just need to hold him.
I have at least more than two assignments in each class due soon, along with an upcoming production that opens Thursday!
Then of course work almost every night.
I just want to lay with him.
I hope he hasn't put so much thought into things to the point where all his thoughts are negative.
...sometimes that's just when people do when they are sick.
Please, no.

Trying to Find a Balance

I bought a prom dress today. It's very elegant, and sleek i suppose you can say. All black, silk-like material. I'm so excited for prom, just so Daniel and I can show everyone that we can dance and we're happy and we love each other. I hope nobody ruins it. I'm almost tempted just to go to my prom versus his. But i believe they are both the same night :[
And i'd rather daniel be with his friends because kaytie and Bryce are really the only people i'd go to my prom for. And I dont even know if they are going. Honistly I dont care where i go, wherever Daniel is, i'm perfectly fine. I'll just ignore ignorant, close-minded people.

I was speaking with a friend of mine, Spencer Crip and we were on some subject of close minded people. he says, "We're young and we might as well get away with what we can while we are still young. I'm jsut down for anything and i dont really care. I'll striaghten out later"
It seems cliche right now, but at the time it was pure genious talk. Maybe 4/20/07 was a factor. haha.

But in a realist's point of view; you almost have to reeeally be careful of what you do. Nobody wants people to talk.

This is nonsence talk. I'm not making sense. I'll go try on my prom dress now. It'll boost my confidence.

I miss Daniel. Today is the fourth day without him. There is no reason why i can not be with him.

AHH! I forgot! My transportation is in the autobody shop and is taking longer than expected.

...still i should be with him.

I love him with all my heart. I wish everyone could be as happy as us.

It's Earth week, and where do you stand with global warming?

dont take your life, please.

Sophmores, two of them. Bairly 16, probably still 15, took their lives leaving Palm Springs Highschool in sheer devestation. In november 2006, Josh shot himself. He seemed happy, he was proably one of the most popular students on campus. But evidently, something was wrong. Discovered by his best friend...josh,was dead.

Now its late april. On Monday, the news broke...Sara hung herself. She was/is so beautiful, seemed to have it all. Not enough though.

I want to know what keeps me going, why my inner strangth is so strong.
I wish i could have spoke with these two kids, tell them that there are plenty of people out there who's problems are much more severe. I could even be one of those people.
This school year has possibly been the worst fiscal year I've ever had.
Its getting better, slowly though (thank god). Things with Daniel darling, promos at work, excitment for school in chicago
....but still my past continues to stab me in the heart and back.
Death is not something i need or can handle.

I'm sitting in first period, i'd like to be with daniel. I currently have writers block, i'm usually better than this. Bigger words, better spelling, more creativity. things are on my mind, stopping me,holding my back.


I want a gatsby tattooo.
...with maybe some death cab for cutie lyrics.

RIP beautiful girl, sara.